I think by me being stubborn, I lost out on a lot of my senior year. I didn’t wanna take anyone’s advice and just let go… Now that I let go, it’s almost too late. All that time I spent being angry? It was just a waste. I’m glad everything is back to normal now, but if I would have done this months earlier, I would have felt at ease with myself for that much longer. Oh well, at least things are okay now.
In the past year, I’ve heard exactly 7 people ask if I was a “freak”. Seriously? I’m not. I’m curious as to what rumors are going around..? I’ve had sex with 3 people. That’s not a lot. But me? A freak? Since when?…..
I’ve had some of the worst anxiety attacks lately. I’m so stressed that I’m actually letting it get to me. Funny how a few months back, I hated how everything was going. I was so unhappy with my life and how the relationships with people I used to be close with were butchered… Well, I mean, they’re still butchered, and that’s how they’re gonna stay. Anyways, I’ve been minding my own business lately, doing my own thing and I legitimately believe I found a happy place. I made my own friends, got my own social life and everything was going so perfectly. I redeemed myself and fixed my once soiled reputation. I know how to handle myself now. I’m not about fucking myself over just for other peoples happiness anymore…. I guess that’s a good thing.
Letting my mind throw up whatever it wants.
You know what I don’t understand? How can people be so judgmental. I know I’m not exempt from this. Its crazy how careless people can be with others’ feelings. Lately I’ve been hearing so much about suicide. I have friends who are convinced they don’t mean anything to the world, but you know, they’re worth so much to me. It disgusts me hearing people say that suicide is the easy way out. People say you’re a coward if you commit suicide, but you know, it takes a lot to take your own life. You know what else takes a lot? Coping with what people say about you. Before a person commits suicide, they have to know how they want to kill themselves. They have to have an idea of how much it’s going to hurt. THINK before you say something. Be more compassionate. Help people instead of trying hurt them.
Personally, I believe sex is a beautiful thing. When two people have so much chemistry, and you can just sense the passion when they get together, it’s pure beauty. It sucks that others ruin sex by “fucking”. Hardcore, no-strings-attached intercourse. It’s vile. It’s grotesque. It ruins the natural beauty in the whole concept of sex.
